Congratulations.  You’re on the right track as a parent if you are interested in learning more about parenting.  You care about your children, and being a parent raises LOTS of questions.  In fact, parenting is the hardest, and most important job there is.

Yet, anyone can get the job, and no training is provided.  Which brings us back to you.  See if this idea can work for you

Parenting Tip – What a parent should do when kids ask hard questions

Every parent faces hard questions sometimes.  So, when this happens to you, remember you are the parent, and you need to be simple and honest with your answers.  Then, you should help your child deal with his or her feelings by asking what he or she thinks.

Scenario - The parent is worried because her husband did not come home as anticipated.  She is afraid that he might be out drinking.  The child is 5 years old and was expecting to play T-ball with his/her father.  He/she is asking, "Where's daddy?" 

It would be easy to say that Daddy had a work-related problem and had to stay at work.  But if the father suddenly comes home with a different story, the mother’s credibility will be damaged, and her child will learn that what she has said isn't true.

Telling a lie to protect your child from a painful truth, or a worry, has a very high cost.  You might lose your child’s trust in you. It might also backfire at some time in the future when you are trying to get your child to understand why it is so important to be truthful.

Instead, the Mother could say, "I'm not sure where Daddy is. I know that you must be a little disappointed that he is not here to play with you. Do you want to talk about it?

Now the mother has been honest and simple.  She has not blamed Dad nor has she expressed any negative thoughts about Dad.  She has calmly acknowledged that she doesn’t know where dad is, while at the same time, acknowledging her child’s probable feelings about the situation.

When the mother then asks, "Would you like to talk about it? " the child is invited to share his or her personal feelings of regret, disappointment, worry, fear, or simple concern about why the father isn’t there to take his child to tee-ball.  The child's feelings are sought, shared, and considered by the mother. This will give the child some relief from distress.

If the mother can get her child to tell her what he/she is feeling, she will be better able to respond to what's really going on.  Then she can reassure her child appropriately.

No matter what the topic is, we must ask our kids "what do you think" or "how do you feel,” so that they will tell us what’s on their mind, and we will understand what they need. 

Remember that when we meet our children's needs, we are being good parents.