Parenting Tip – How to build a successful relationship through communication with your child

When explaining something to your child, or correcting behavior, lower your body so that you are eye to eye. Standing over a child is intimidating and often distracts him/her from internalizing your message.

Remember to find small ways to congratulate and celebrate your child for his/her achievements. Everyone wants their accomplishments noticed, and the more specific and targeted you are with your praise the easier it is for your child to understand your expectations.

Be kind, but honest when delivering a tough message. There is a big difference between being told "you're room is a mess, so we can’t go out" and "when your room is tidy, we'll all be ready for a trip to the playground."

Practice what you preach. Children are highly attuned to all forms of communication, verbal and non-verbal. If your own room is messy, how can your child understand why he/she is expected to live any differently?

Remember that children see time differently, so make reasonable promises on a timeline children understand, and be sure to keep them. For example—"If you turn off the TV now, I’ll bake some cookies with you this afternoon;" is much better than; "If you don’t watch any TV for the rest of the month, I’ll give you twice your allowance."

It's important to talk to your children about money. Encourage them to save 10% of their income (allowance, earnings from chores, or monetary gifts). Saving money is a life lesson that some adults are still trying to master, so it’s good to start young and have some savings success.

Also, if you want your children to be generous, talk with your child about giving to others and set an example yourself. It's important for children to understand that life is not all about them and their needs. Other people have needs that they can help meet. By giving, they learn that their charitable impulses translate into a better life for others. After all, as Scrooge found out in A Christmas Carol, giving to others is also a gift to your spirit.

Parenting Tip - An easy way to begin teaching social skills

We all want our kids to "act right."  Unfortunately, this doesn't happen by itself -- children are not born with manners.  We have to teach them to:

• Follow directions
• Ask permission
• Accept "No" for an answer
• Get someone's attention (politely)
• Wait your turn
• Ask for help
• Listen to others
• Say you're sorry

In every case, the first step is teaching the child to look at the person.

From earliest infancy when we talk, rock and sing to our children, we look into their faces.  Our eyes connect and we engage. 

We have to keep doing that -- looking at our children when we speak to them -- so they know we are engaged with them.  Try not to get distracted. Focus on your child when you communicate.  Be clear and attentive.

Children learn how to engage their parents, and others, by watching us engage with them.  All of the skills listed above begin with the lesson of teaching the child to look at the person who is talking, or to look at the person the child wants to talk to. Once the child is fully engaged, the rest comes more easily.

Parenting Tip - How to overcome too much eating before dinner

Child, whining:  "But Mom, I'm h u n g r y."
Mom, exasperated:  "You just had a snack.  No more eating until dinner!"
Child, insistent:  "That's not fair!  I'm starving!

If this scenario sounds familiar, maybe it's time to re-evaluate what your child is eating for "snack."  Because the food itself might be making your child hungry!

Did you know that foods that contain simple or refined carbohydrates, such as white bread, soft drinks and sweets, actually create a sensation of hunger?

That's because they are digested quickly and cause your blood sugar to rise fast and then fall.   When the blood sugar falls, it creates a hungry feeling.

If you give your child longer-lasting snacks, they won't feel hungry so soon after eating.  You can do this by offering:

fruit (cut up apples, oranges, bananas or any seasonal fruit);
whole grains ( try putting crunchy dry cereal in a baggie; or whole wheat crackers; or toasted whole wheat bread with peanut butter);
vegetables (carrot sticks, celery sticks,  or any cut up veggie that is crunchy);
legumes (nuts or hummus, for example; dip veggies in hummus, or spread peanut butter on bread or crackers, or munch almonds or walnuts);
and water to drink!  (Many times children think they're hungry, when in fact they are thirsty.)

Except for the water, all of these foods are complex carbohydrates which are digested slowly.  They keep your blood sugar levels even, and help curb your appetite.

Next time, instead of reaching for chips, cookies or ice cream for snack, offer celery with peanut butter, cut up apples and raisins, or Life cereal in a baggie.  And don't forget the water! 

Be creative!  Experiment!

If you have questions about our tips, or seek the titles of helpful publications which contain good parenting advice, please email us at info@FSSinc.org attention – Parenting Tips Editor.

Routines and Limits

One of the biggest surprises parents have is finding out that children want to please them, and the job of a parent is to find opportunities for them to do just that.  Remember you are your child’s biggest hero, and parenting is so much easier when you help your child be good.

Set routines and establish limits

Establish good habits early by following a daily routine for meals, snacks, bath and bedtime.  Parents often expect that children are going to do as they are told, because “I said so,” but when your family lacks routines, it is harder for a child to understand what needs to be done and when to do it. 

Don’t forget that discipline means to teach, so when you feel the need to address a child’s behavior problems, try to do it in a positive way.

Respond to bad behavior with understanding and clarity

Not coming when called, hitting, bad language, not cleaning up – all of these are seen as behavior problems.  But children have their own set of needs (hunger, affection, your attention) and until these needs are met, they will be demonstrated through misbehavior.  Try to understand what your child’s underlying needs and motivations are, and address the need first, before you tackle the behavior.

Tantrums

For example, what do you think it means when your child has a tantrum?  It can mean many things depending on the child’s age and developmental stage.  Does your child have language; can your child tell you in words what he or she needs?  If not, does the tantrum come from a child’s frustration at not being able to communicate a need?  If a child is verbal, does the child have emotional language?  Does the child know how to say I’m worried – I want a hug?  Is your child feeling frustrated because he or she has been there for an hour while you’re on the phone saying, “I’ll be there in a minute”?  Are they tired of shopping, did they miss their nap, are they hungry?

Lying

Lying is a classic example of behavior that needs to be carefully examined.  Don’t just say a child is bad because they’ve lied.  Explore the reason why they lied.  Is it because they’re smart enough to know they will be punished for telling the truth?  If you’re trying to teach children about the truth – give them an opportunity to be good before they need to be “bad.” Teach them that telling the truth is vital, even though it may involve some bad news. 

• For example don’t say “Why did you break my picture frame?”
• Say “My picture frame is broken – do you know what might have happened”

If you can do this, your child will learn that the truth is more important than the broken object.  As children get older this becomes even more essential because the stakes get higher with adolescence.  You’ll want them to tell the truth – even if it they are ashamed of it.

Bedtime & Wake-up Rituals, and Asking Nicely

See if these ideas can work for you:

1. When you wake your children every morning, remember to do it with a smiling face and a happy greeting. You might have to put on a good face when you’re tired, or it’s cold and dark out, but remember that when you’re happy, they’re happy.  Sound too easy?  Just try it.

2. Make soothing bedtime routines.  Sing a lullabye and put your child’s name in it.  After a kiss goodnight, tell your child one thing he or she did today that made you proud or happy.  This can be any little thing, like: “I liked the way you came when I called you for dinner;” or “Thanks for helping your sister clean up.”

      Also, going to sleep feeling good is another way to help your children wake up feeling good each morning.

3. Understand that children want to please you.  They really do!  After you tell them “NO”  “DON’T” or “STOP,” remember to tell them nicely what you want them to do instead.  Be clear about what would please you.